"EVERYDAY" INNOCENCE

Buddy Holly: a nerdy knight of faith.

by Andy Nowicki

A corrupt age views innocence as an essential absence; that is to say, as a state of being “not guilty.” Since all ages are corrupt, to varying degrees, we never quite apprehend innocence for what it truly is: a positive presence.

Philosophy, after all, teaches that man’s telos is the Good; if this is so, then the condition of innocence can’t simply be dismissively consigned to the silly naivety of childhood, while “knowledge” and “wisdom” get to be associated with an individual’s embracing of the corruption that invariably attends maturity, thus demonstrating his complicity with that which spoils his innocence.

WE HATE BIG BROTHER

                                                        

                                                by Andy Nowicki

At the end of George Orwell’s 1984, hero and would-be revolutionary Winston Smith is tortured brutally by ghoulish government goons at the Ministry of Love. Following this ordeal, his will is utterly broken; he betrays his closest allies as well as himself; moreover, he learns to “love” Big Brother, the awful totalitarian entity who has made his life unbearably miserable. Winston himself gets absolutely nothing out of this bargain except a certain warped peace of mind and a perverse sense that he has in some way “done the right thing”:

COKE AIN'T IT

                           

                                                              

by Andy Nowicki

I’ll admit that I had an immediate, visceral, and startlingly profane reaction to the now notorious Coca-Cola advertisement broadcast during the Super Bowl, as my poor, patient wife can attest.

The commercial, as surely you must know by now, features “America the Beautiful” being sung in various languages while a dippy montage unfolds featuring breakdancing blacks, hijab-adorned Middle Eastern women, yarmulked men, loveably grizzled septagenarian Latino cowboys and adorable urban effeminates (with a few sparse hints of white, seeming-heterosexual suburbanites begrudgingly thrown in as if in afterthought).

TROUBLE IN TWILIGHT

                                                     By Andy Nowicki










If you've walked through a checkout line in a grocery store lately, you've probably seen the earth-shattering, heartbreaking news. Eloi, Eloi, lama sabachthani! Your dreams have been betrayed, your hopes deceived, your spirit horrifically sodomized and left for dead. Your sink to your knees, gasp for air; tears cloud your eyes. You look again... yes, it has happened. Robert Pattinson and Kristin Stewart are splitsville.

PROPAGANDA OF THE NEED: JOIN OR DIE?

Fresh from the fappening.

by Andy Nowicki

In Mockingjay Part 1, the latest cinematic installment of the futuristic sci-fi dystopian Hunger Games saga, civil unrest in the kingdom of Panem has flamed into full-fledged civil war. Katniss Everdeen (Jennifer Lawrence, duly topful here, unlike in her now quite ubiquitously-ogled homemade modeling portfolio) has been rescued from peril by leaders of a resistance movement intent upon deposing the cruel and ruthless President Coriolanus Snow (a scowling, smirking Donald Sutherland) and his regime of oppression and terror.

JEWISH RACIALISM AND JEWISH CAPITALISM: "BARTON FINK"

                                                                

                                                             by Andy Nowicki

The recent high-profile firings of Rick Sanchez, Helen Thomas, and Octavia Nasr leave the eager-to-please among us with an uneasy feeling in their collective gut. What is the “proper,” socially-sanctioned way to react to such shocking displays of high-handed, sanctimonious, censorious overreach on the part of one’s party bosses, as it were?

Crystal clear as it seems that Sanchez, Thomas, and Nasr, all entrenched liberals with impeccable establishment credentials, were sacked for making critical remarks about Jews (or in Nasr’s case, mildly positive remarks about a deceased member of Hezbollah), such a assertion cannot be allowed to stand, because it would seem to reinforce “anti-Semitic” notions about Jewish control of the media, which are assuredly un-kosher to imply, much less state aloud. To criticize the principalities and powers for sacking critics of Jews thus means condoning anti-Semitism, which in today’s Zeitgeist quickly makes you little better than a genocidal and deranged Nazi. The gutless careerists, to be sure, want no part of that order!

BE A WANKER, NOT A FUCKER

The following passage is taken from Andy's new intellectual autobiography/philosophical treatise, Confessions of a Would-Be Wanker, now available for purchase. 

by Andy Nowicki

But what does the pitifully slobbering soul do when deprived of God’s much-wanted and much-needed blessing, for reasons which remain forever unclear? How, under such tragic and abysmal circumstances, can a man really be expected to refrain from indulging in a pastime which brings a kind of peace to his weary soul? Masturbation is a sad and pitiful act, but then God-forsaken man is a sad and pitiful creature, and indulgence in such an act can in some way be seen as entirely worthy of just such a being.

Jerking off, however, is one thing. Taking part in actual coitus with another person is something else entirely. Both activities indicate a sexualized state, but differ widely in what they suggest about the man engaging in the activity. Yet the worthiness of each activity is inversely proportional to how it would appear. Taking part in the former signifies you as a loser, in the world’s eyes, while engaging in the latter somehow for some reason makes you an estimable person, a success, one who has officially “made it.” Yet coitus is in truth a far greater signifier of corruption, as one who angles for coitus has to behave in a manner that shreds his natural innocence to a far greater degree than merely letting one’s mind run towards mere fantasies of coitus.