STRAIGHT TALK ON BULLIES

by Andy Nowicki

I have written before about the outrageously hypocritical antics of the anti-bully brigade, whose self-appointed members constantly puff out their chests and pound their proverbial podiums ad infinitum these days, constantly getting in our faces, and all but stealing our lunch money and throwing us into trash cans and slamming us into lockers as they hector and bluster and demand all the while that we need to STOP BULLYING!!!!

Of course, to a large extent, those who denounce “bullying” the loudest don’t really care about bullying qua bullying. For them, the War on Bullies is but a proxy battle, through which they intend to vilify anyone opposed to gay marriage and any type of concerted gay-normalization effort. When such folk speak spitefully of “bullies,” what they mean are “(white) Christian conservatives,” who in their prejudiced perception just can’t be anything but bullies, since they’re so closed-minded and bigoted… (and so very gauchely white, too...)

In this way, too, the supposed anti-bullies are the biggest bullies of all, seeking as they do to shame, harass, and intimidate nonconformists into compliance. They commonly jeer at, mock, and insult—and at times even physically attack—peaceable and prayerful people, and they justify their own repugnant behavior by claiming that hate is great so long as one hates “haters,” and that tolerance for “intolerance” (meaning “viewpoints in opposition to our own”) must never be tolerated.

Take THAT, meanies!

The ever-obnoxious rhetorical flatulence emanated by the present-day “antifa” represent another iteration of this same impulse, through which we see on naked display the ardent desire of the dimwitted and conformist-minded to make something (albeit quite small) of himself—to “strike a blow,” by targeting an eminently safe target (i.e., so-called “racists” and “fascists”) for vitriolic obloquy and (yet again) physical violence, and thus prove himself a worthy pawn to his puppet masters.

Still, all of these observations aside, we must recognize that at least some of the “antibu” (my ingenious abbreviation for “anti-bullies,” an expression which I’ll be sure to get trademarked) are sincere. A few might even care about non-politically expedient or agenda-enhancing cases, such as when a little white boy is driven to suicide by his exclusively non-white tormenters—an extreme example of an unfortunately common fate suffered by white students who find themselves attending predominantly black or brown schools. When it comes to actual non-disingenuous, un-agendized bully-bashers—those we can truly take at their word at being militantly opposed to all manifestations of cruelty, and not just politically expedient ones—we can at least recognize earnestness and good faith.

So let us take a moment to earnestly evaluate the PSAs these legitimately earnest anti-bu  (pronounced an-tee-boo)  regularly broadcast on kids’ channels, the better to educate the harried and harassed nerds, geeks, dorks, fags, and fatties of the world on how they can supposedly do their part to end the reign of the bullies.

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In addition to reinforcing the tediously obvious (“Bullying isn’t nice,” “Words can hurt,” etc.), most of these PSAs dole out plainly terrible advice. Indeed, they commonly exhort both victims and/or observers of incidents of bullying to tell an authority figure what has happened, i.e., to “snitch” on bullies. It is presumed that reporting a bully for being mean—that is, for being himself—will cause said bully to cease with his meanness and become nice, or at the very least, will get him to stop picking on his targets.

This, of course, is such transparent bullshit that it barely merits refutation, much less concerted analysis. Nevertheless, allow me to go ahead and state in words that which should be plainly discernible to everyone who isn’t profoundly dense. No bully will ever, in any way, feel stymied from future bullying by having someone “snitch” on him. Even if he actually does get punished for executing his depredations (which is already a big “if”; the typical bully already has clout, popularity, and leverage with the faculty—he picks on the less popular, less-liked, less well-placed students for no other reason than because he can), he won’t be deterred by such an act, and he’s even likely to feel energized to step things up a notch or two.

And, THAT!

If you are an observer, and you run and tell a teacher or administrator that some geeky kid is getting picked on, then you are very likely just perpetuating that geek’s problem. The geek in question will in no time be perceived as even more helpless and pathetic, and even more in need of being teased, taunted, and tormented. Of course, if you openly stand up for the geek, you’re likely making things even worse for the poor bully-bait. In such a case, his conspicuous wimpiness is only highlighted by the fact that he needs another person to ride to his rescue, and otherwise would have no prayer of escaping abuse.

The only exception to this rule is if the good-hearted intervener happens to meet or exceed the bully in clout or popularity, in which case the formerly bullied nerd may then obtain a certain kind of clout; that is, he’ll be seen as a sort of pet. This hardly restores the nerd’s dignity, however; in fact, it effectively renders him something akin to a prison bitch (minus the actual sodomy, of course). In such a case, bullies will cease to pick on such a target because he’s been adopted by other popular jocks who meet or exceed the bully’s clout. They don’t leave the nerd alone out of respect, but only out of grudging deference to his high-placed friends. This no doubt beats being vulnerable, alone, and constantly abused, but it hardly gets to the root of the problem.

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On the other hand, if you yourself are the victim of bullying, and you try to solve the matter by talking to a teacher, administrator, or counselor, you must know beyond all doubt that you are in no way helping your own cause. Snitching on your own bullies in fact demonstrates to them that you have the mentality of a momma’s boy and a tattle-tale. Afterwards, the beatdown you’ll experience will be even more gleeful, vicious, and sadistic.

No, the only solution is to stand up for yourself, and even that in no way insures any diminishment of the bullying. When you fight back physically, you’ll very likely lose, since—face it-- they’re bigger and stronger than you. (You can go ahead and learn a martial art or lift weights at the gym, if you want, but don’t expect miracles; life ain’t the movies, and you ain’t Rocky Balboa or the Karate Kid). If you fight back verbally, replying to their impertinent jibes with effectively insouciant rejoinders, their jeering is only likely to amplify, rather than cease. This holds true even if you best them in wit, since the deck is stacked; they’ll treat your clever remarks as if they were stupid, and your wit will be perceived by the bullies and by all relevant observers as inferior to theirs because—face it—the bullies are popular, and you’re not, and popular kids are always seen as being in the right, even when they’re clearly in the wrong; similarly, they’re always thought of as cleverer than you, even when they’re clearly stupider than you.

Still, the thing to do—the only thing to do—is to keep up the fight. You can’t control how people treat you, but you can control your response. Always remember one bleak truth; essentially, you are in this alone. Adults and authority figures can’t help you, even if they want to. Kids your age, on the other hand, are by and large cowards and conformists; they’ll mostly keep their distance from you if they perceive you to be a “loser.”

Actually, you ARE alone. Deal with it.

Fuck ’em. Forge on. Things will, eventually “get better,” as the anti-bu say (yes, they’re right about something; even a stopped clock is correct twice in a day, after all). But when things do get better, always remember who stood by you and who didn’t when the air was heavy with the sour stench of dread and the derisive hoots and hollers of your devoted tormentors reverberated hellishly in your ears. Forgive them if you wish, but never forget.

(originally posted at Alternative Right, May 2014)

Andy Nowicki, co-editor of Alternative Right, is the author of seven books, including Under the Nihil, The Columbine Pilgrim, Considering Suicide, and his latest, Beauty and the Least. He occasionally updates his blog when the spirit moves him to do so.